Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Getting through life a little bit better

A thing I've found with being in a relationship is that it's emotionally tiring (or at least the ones I've in). It's just so fucking dramatic and for almost no reason. It's not like it's anyone's fault, it just ends up that way because being close to someone means you're going to make mistakes and that's a given. The best thing coming out of a relationship is just spending some time with friends and making brownies.
I'm sorry, but I don't think a lot of people realize this

oh and friends, hang out with them. BUT FUCKING BROWNIESSS MANNNNN. So anyways. You can only hope, coming out of a difficult relationship, that the person you were with will just stop pestering with you. It took my ex about a month to realize this. Just makes you wonder what truly goes on in the other person's head, it's almost deluded. They would say things like "we didn't come this far to just turn around" Well sorry but I don't like facing South, i wanna turn around to North instead. Oh sorry, did that hurt your feelings trolololol.
Girls, they seem to wonder why boys are such dickheads and it's mainly because of girls in the first place. The girls advertise themselves and generally want to be in a relationship so much that they make themselves vulnerable to being with a guy who's just in it for the sex/doesn't care for the relationship. Think about it.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Personal Blog 1#

The darkness of sleep. It’s so serene yet foreboding. Like there’s some sort of monster inside yourself, controlling your subconsciousness and giving you the exact dreams you don’t want. Some weird shit goes down in dreams. But in some way they all vaguely correspond to daily events  You wake up, to another day in the same life. It really depends how good your life is.  It could be fucking wonderful, just magnificent. You could be loving it, having the best girlfriend, having the best friends, having all your wishes coming true, getting good grades, having time to yourself- everything that makes life… life. Problem is, when you bring certain people into your life, you find that a lot of pain comes with it. Sure, you become closer to the person and you start to care and it brings benefits. Being in a relationship is a great example, actually. Everything goes so well, you care, you do all the cute things cute couples do. Like lying on the couch together watching movies, saying how much we love each other. Sending all those amazingly long texts. Things fuck up though, you end up in arguments. If the argument is bad enough, you lose the person. And it fucking hurts. It’s not like you can stop just like that. With relationships with people and. It’s just endless. Social conventions, expectations… I can’t even bother writing down all the things that’s going to fuck up when you get close to someone. I’m not trying to ride my high horse here, because in reality, it’s all your own fault. All your actions and mistakes. It all comes down to you. Maybe it’s because you hold up for so long, you’re bound to make mistakes here and there. Everyone does and it’s amazing that religions even put the pressure of not doing any sins. Fuck, of course you’re going to sin. It’s irreversible. So, let’s just say I make one- fuck it two. Three. Three mistake and lose it. Just lost myself to being free, not restricted to any invisible rules set down by the social collective, then voila. Girlfriend gone. Now she hates me and my guts, apparently I’m the biggest bullshit artist. Even if she didn’t condemn it, she encouraged it. That’s that, that’s how it works out in the end. “Everything happens for a reason.” That’s what I hear a lot. Maybe it does. But it still fucking hurts. So I guess I will just move on to a better girl, better feelings. That’s how it works out. It’s kind of a big mindfuck, just stored up in your head. It happens to everyone I swear, because growing up is hard. It’s worth it, but it’s still hard to get through. I want to have someone perfect again to sleep by. And not feel the stresses of today and not feel the pain of yesterday and the pang of what might happen tomorrow. Just someone that actually understands these things and doesn’t fucking whine about what kind of shoes you were or what kind of t-shirt you wore the week before. It got so tiring, it really did. I’m allowed to wear whatever the fuck I want and I’m allowed to act however the fuck I want and the last thing I need is a girlfriend like my last that would get pissed at the slightest mistake or criticize who I am. Even if it was subconscious. No doubt, I made mistakes and I’m not perfect. I guess some personalities don’t click with others and that’s that. I hate some girls. I just see them shouting and acting like retards on buses and on streets. It’s not so much that, but it’s that judgmental shit they pull on you and all the ignorant comments.
“oh maah gosh you look soo gay”. I just don’t give a fuck. You know, there is a story behind every person. That hobo that you saw in the city? Yeah, he got left in a cardboard box as a baby with no one to look after him. He had to try to live off the streets by selling dope at the age of 5. Now he's 40 with no one that cares for him and everyone just walks past him, despising the guy for his clothes. No, no, no, no, just ignore all the good human morales. Just judge him for what he looks like. I don't think people realize how much a hug and 5 dollars means to a hobo. Some, they just want to live. They want someone to care for them. I guess not. Because this world is so cold now. 

meowmeow ;33

I feel like a penguin, all moshy and stuff. heheheh being tipesy is strangely fun. Not something I would do often, but yeah why not. Thing is, I broke up with my girlfriend or she dumped me. I think she dumped me. So there you go. Everything going to well, then yeah. blarg. meow. Now I'm just wondering if I should care or just ignore any silly feelings. Funny music, friends, liquor, videos, movies all help. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

schizophrenia. in lyrics.

The roof is pulling off by its fingernails
Your voice is rapping on my window sill
Let me back
Let me back
I promise to be good
Don't look in the mirror
At the face you don't recognize
Help me call the doctor
Put me inside
Put me inside
Put me inside
Put me inside
Put me inside
I keep the wolf from the door
But he calls me up
Calls me on the phone
Tells me all the ways that he's going to mess me up
How come I end up where I started?
How can I end up where I went wrong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string
My thoughts are misguided and a little na�ve
And I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis
You should put me in a home or you should put me down
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis
Yeah, no one likes a smart ass but we all like stars
That wasn't my intention! I did it for a reason!
He shook hands with the cripples
And gave them all milk
He did a few card tricks
For his mafia geeks
I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied
Don't know why I feel so skinned alive
But they are trapdoors
That you can't come back from
Tears of joy now scare ourselves of all that you want to be
Just got paid and now you're going, how inside you please
If I get scared I'll just call you and I'll miss your glow as I unsettle
Oh, and I'll always feel, I will always be
Right, one, two, three, four
So sell your suit and tie and come and live with me
Leukemia schizophrenia polyethylene
There is no significant risk to your health
She used to be beautiful once as well
Plastic bag, middle class, polyethylene
Decaffeinate, unleaded, keep all surfaces clean
If you don't believe this, sell your soul
If you don't get into it, no one will
Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that, what's that?
And I might as well
I might as well
Sleepy jack the fire drill
Around, around, around, around, around


Cut the kids in half
Cut the kids in half
Cut the kids in half

Release me
Release me

Release me

Release me
Kill me Sarah, kill me again... with love
It's gonna be a glorious day
I have no idea what I am talking about
I am trapped in this body and can't get out
And either way you turn, I'll be there
Open up your skull, I'll be there
Climbing up the walls
It's always best when the light is off
It's always better on the outside
Fifteen blows to the back of your head
Fifteen blows to your mind
So lock the kids up safe tonight
Shut the eyes in the cupboard
I've got the smile of a local man
Who's got the loneliest feeling
It brought me to my knees
They got a skin and they put me in
They got a skin and they put me in
All the lines wrapped around my face
All the lines wrapped around my face
And for anyone else to see
I was stronger
I call up my friend, the good angel
But she's out with
Her ansaphone
She says she would
Love to come help
But the sea would electrocute us all
Nice dream

I was better
Picked you out
Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day, every hour
Now don't say a word
No, don't yell out
Never mind
Let you out
Led you back
Stay on
Sit down
Let it fall
Let it fall
Let it fall
Let it fall
hat there
That's not me
I go
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
Slight of hand
Jump off the end
Into a clear lake
No one around
Just dragonflies
Flying to the side
No one gets hurt
You've done nothing wrong
Slide your hand
Jump off the end
The water's clear
And innocent
The water's clear
And innocent

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Deliciousness of Brownies and Cupcakes

Probably some of the most amazing things on earth... the way how the chocolatey goodness indulges your taste buds in a wholesome, flavour-full way. The little beads of concentrated chocolate that you chew on with the think, brown, sugery icing and the ice cold Coca-Cola. The caramel waltzes around your mouth and doesn't leave until you wash it down with the even more caramel-like beverage.